Solche “Not” möcht ich auch mal haben

17 Jul

Windows-Konzern in Not: Microsoft streicht bis zu 18.000 Jobs” titelt der Spiegel. Impliziert wird, dass das verdammt nötig ist, dass es dem Konzern schlecht geht.

Im viertel Quartal 2013 hat Microsoft 6,5 Milliarden Gewinn gemacht. In einem Quartal!

So ist das halt mit der neuen kapitalistischen Bescheidenheit – wobei, so neu ist die ja nicht, Ackermann hat ja seit Jahren 25% Rendite gefordert.

Edit: Ars Technica zeigt, welche Reaktion angebracht wäre:

The most head-spinning part of the note, though, is in its second paragraph. The e-mail includes the following two contradictory statements:

My promise to you is that we will go through this process in the most thoughtful and transparent way possible.

[T]he vast majority of employees whose jobs will be eliminated will be notified over the next six months.

So: we’re going to fire almost 20,000 people, but you might not know if you’re one of them for six months.
In the end, the e-mail’s key ironic sentence is this one:

Everyone can expect to be treated with the respect they deserve for their contributions to this company.

This ersatz expression of thanks could be cloned from every other layoff e-mail from every other company ever—it manages to be both patronizing and vaguely malevolent at the same time. What, precisely, does an employee “deserve” in this instance? There’s an argument to be made that employees deserve to be spoken to rather than spoken at, but down that path lies the potential for liability.
This kind of insultingly indirect messaging plagues most large businesses—and it’s horrible no matter where it shows up. Companies should “align their synergies” with the humans they’re firing and do them the courtesy of not pissing on them and telling them it’s raining.


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